“I don’t think any of us knew how tired you were,” my friend said after I moved away. I didn't realize at first how right he was.
When I arrived in Orlando, I
thought I’d find a job right away, but in fact I stayed inside with
the lights off and couldn’t move for days which turned into weeks. And I cried
every day.
The secrets wore me down. I didn’t dare discuss my
thoughts and doubts with anyone. I hid how unhappy I was. I called on every ounce
of strength to present myself the cheerful, energetic preacher. I didn’t always
succeed.
I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say I’ve been tired
most of my life. I was always able to
mentally move aside the fatigue and move on but it took its toll on my health
as I got older.
Now, Sylvia takes care of me. She fed me good food and
took me to hear good music. We went to the beach and I walked on the shore where
the cool water washed my feet and the waves established a new rhythm inside me.
I’m better. My health issues are fading. I’m able to rest. For the first time in years I
sleep through the night.
I reflect a lot on what led me to this moment even as
I begin living again. I still cry every day but it doesn’t last as
long.
