Wednesday, May 24, 2017

I Was Tired

“I don’t think any of us knew how tired you were,” my friend said after I moved away. I didn't realize at first how right he was.  

When I arrived in Orlando, I thought I’d find a job right away, but in fact I stayed inside with the lights off and couldn’t move for days which turned into weeks. And I cried every day.

The secrets wore me down. I didn’t dare discuss my thoughts and doubts with anyone. I hid how unhappy I was. I called on every ounce of strength to present myself the cheerful, energetic preacher. I didn’t always succeed.

I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say I’ve been tired most of my life.  I was always able to mentally move aside the fatigue and move on but it took its toll on my health as I got older. 

Now, Sylvia takes care of me. She fed me good food and took me to hear good music. We went to the beach and I walked on the shore where the cool water washed my feet and the waves established a new rhythm inside me.

I’m better. My health issues are fading. I’m able to rest.  For the first time in years I sleep through the night. 

I reflect a lot on what led me to this moment even as I begin living again. I still cry every day but it doesn’t last as long.

13 comments:

  1. I'm glad you are happy..I don't think any of us know how tired "we" are...BUT at least you were able to change that..also glad to hear your health is improving

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    1. Thanks, Lois. I think you're right about people... we just don't know.

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  2. I love you so much.
    -Amy

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  3. How beautiful to allow yourself to FEEL --all of it. The good, the bad and the ugly. I appreciate you for sharing it with the world. There is such power with personal testimony. Un abrazo my dear, Lizette

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    1. We're taking care of each other, babe, and are both beginning to live again.

      Your Sylvia

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  4. I get the fatigue. It took me a full nine months to recover, nine months of walking, time outside, sleeping, reading, just being, rebuilding a life. No one really knows until we leave.

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    1. Yep. You've been there.
      But hey... we overcame.

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  5. May you receive the rest you need and experience peace in your tired soul. Blessings

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    1. Thank you and blessings to you, too.

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